putik, sira pagkatao nung cab driver. hahahahha
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putik, sira pagkatao nung cab driver. hahahahha
An Ilocano, a Cebuano and an Ilonggo
were sitting in a bar in Makati. The ambiance was
fantastic, the beer very cold and the food exceptional.
“But,” said the Ilocano, “I still prefer
the bars back home. Why, in Vigan there’s
a little bar where the owner goes out of his way
for the locals. When you buy eight drinks, he
will buy the ninth.”
The Cebuano responded, “Well, at my
local bar, the owner would buy you your third
drink after you bought the first two.”
“Ah, that’s nothing,” the Ilonggo said. “Back
home in Iloilo there’s this bar where the moment you
set foot in the place they’ll buy you a drink and
keep them coming all night. Then when you’ve
had enough to drink, they take you upstairs
and see that you get laid. All on the house.”
The Ilocano and Cebuano immediately
doubted the Ilonggo’s claims.
“Well,” said the Cebuano, “did this actually
happen to you?”
“No, not myself personally,” said the Ilonggo.
“But it did happen to my girlfriend.”
:grin:
NEW WORDS FOR 2006
BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS - The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)
SITCOMs - Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".
SINBAD - Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.
STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the **** out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the www error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')
GOING FOR A McSHIT - Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the toilet. If challenged by a pimpled staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies
AEROPLANE BLONDE - One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.
BEER COAT - The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3am.
BEER COMPASS - The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.
BREAKING THE SEAL - Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
MILLENNIUM DOMES - The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually nothing in there worth seeing.
MONKEY BATH - A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".
PICASSO BUM - A woman whose panty is too small for her, so she looks like she's got four buttocks.
SALAD DODGER - An excellent phrase for an overweight person.
TART FUEL - Bottled pre-mixed drinks, regularly consumed by young women.
MYSTERY BUS - The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the ugly people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
MYSTERY TAXI - The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves an ugly woman in your bed instead.
He was 80, she was 20. It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20 year old girl.
After a year of marriage she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying: "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?" He answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running."
The following year the young bride gave birth again. The same nurse said: "You are truly amazing. How do you do it?" Again he said: "You've got the keep the old motor running."
The same thing happened the next year. The nurse then said: "Well, well, well, you certainly are quite a man!" He responded, "You've got to keep
that old motor running." The nurse then said: "Well, you better change the oil. This one's black."
meron na ba nito???
pano mo malalaman kung mayaman na yung bumbay?
dalawa na nakasakay sa motor.
driver niya yung isa.
corny. :twak2:
Mayroon isang Pilipino na naghihintay na makarating sa U.S.A.., ang ngalan ay 'ELEUTERIO IGNACIO' ng dumating ang petisyon niya at nakarating sa 'tate' ang unang gagawin daw niya ay babaguhin ang pangalan kapag U.S.citizen na siya. Sabi niya 'alam ko na kung ano ang magiging pangalan ko, papalitan ko ng 'ELECTRONIC IGNITION' para maging americanize daw.
__________________________________________________ __________
Sa airport canteen, umorder ang isang Amerikano;
Kano: Miss, will you please give me one few two.
Tindera: What sir?
Kano: I said one few two.
Tindera: Oh, you want puto!
Kano: Yeah, that'sright. Is that how you pronounce it?
Tindera: [Sa loob-loob, tanga,puto lang, pino-few two, few two pa, gagantihan ko nga.] Okey sir, What color do you want? Few-la or Few-ti?
__________________________________________________ ____
hehehehe!Enjoy reading!
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,the husband asked
sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked,
"What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day,
"I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same
time."
The wife responded,
"Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake
him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said,
"It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
before the masterpiece.
hahaha...inunahan mo na sarili mo ah.Quote:
Originally Posted by aceshark
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Bisaya 1: " Gara ng kutsi, siguro kay Miyur iyan."!
Bisaya 2: " Dili bay!"
Bisaya 1: " Kay Hipi?"
Bisaya 2: " Tuntu ka man. Kay FATHER iyan. Gisulat niya sa likud o, "'SAFARI'."
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Misis: " Sir, mananawagan po sana ako sa mister ko kasi dinala niya ang limang anak namin."
Radio Host: " Ok, go ahead!"
Misis: " Honey, ibalik mo na ang mga bata, isa lang naman ang sa iyo diyan!"
SI GINO:
LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kape ko.
APO: 'lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kutchara.
APO: 'lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Puny*t* ka, Gino! Tigil-tigilan mo yang kabaklaan mo!
TUTPIK:
Kustomer: Ano ba naman itong tutpik nyo, iisa na nga lang, ang dali pang mabali!
Waiter (inis): Alam nyo, sir, ang dami nang gumamit nyan, pero kayo lang nakabali!
PARI AT MADRE:
Pari: Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR? Kukunin ko lang toothbrush ko...
Sister: Sandali, naka-panty lang ako.
Pari: Ok, antay ako.
Sister: Pasok na, wala na akong panty!
PAMBOBOSO:
Anak: Inay, sinisilip ng kaklase ko 'yung panty ko!
Inay: Bastos 'yun ah! Ano'ng ginawa mo?
Anak: Hinubad ko at itinago ko 'yung panty, para 'di nya makita!
HIDE AND SEEK:
GIRL: Hide and seek tayo. If you find me, papayag akong makipag-*** sa'yo....
BOY: Eh, kung di kita makita?
GIRL: Nasa likod lang ako ng piano...
RAPE SUSPEK:
ATTY: Inday, pwede mo bang idiskrayb dito sa korte ang taong Nangreype sa'yo
INDAY: Maitim, panot, tagyawatin, pango ilong, at bungal...
SUSPEK: Sige!...mang-asar ka pa!!!!
A BMW engineer died and went to heaven. At the gates St. Peter told him, "Since you've been such a good man and your vehicles have changed the world, your reward is - you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven".
The Engineer thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took him to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
He then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Ah, yes."
"Well," said the engineer, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention.
1 - There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2 - It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3 - Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4 - The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust. And finally,
5 - The maintenance costs are outrageous."
"Hmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "But hold on."
God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to the engineer, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."