Joke Time!

[james00112233]

pampatanggal ng stress itong thread...

[Hanren]

BREAKING UP WITH A PARTNER

- i just need some space. i'm becoming an astronaut.

- i just need some time. can you come back in 20 years?

- the only thing we have in common is that we got married on the same day.

- i'm married to my job

- i'd love to grow old with you, but you're too far ahead to catch up.

[Hanren]

[An old joke but worth repeating]

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.

Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on November 10, 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

[ericbalajadia]

Overheard:

Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. Where's the car?"
Wife: "In the swimming pool."

[Hanren]

[jubs00]

hahaha! nice!

[navigator2377]

Q & A..


Q: WHY DO WOMEN LIVE LONGER THAN MEN?
.................................................. ..........................
A: BECAUSE SHOPPING NEVER CAUSES HEART ATTACKS,,,
BUT PAYING THE BILL DOES...

[renzo_d10]

Amo: Marunong ka bang
maglaba?

...Maid: Konti

...Amo: Eh magluto?

Maid: Konti

Amo: Sige, tanggap ka na.

Maid: Magkano po ba ang
sweldo ko?

Amo: Konti


-

Sa isang jeep may lalaking mag babayad kay manong driver.

Pasahero: manong bayad.
Manong Driver: saan galling?
Pasahero: sa akin.
......Manong Driver : papunta saan?
Pasahero: sayo


-

Girl: Uy! May joke ako!

Boy: Nakakatwa ba yan?
......
Girl: Hindi. Nakakaiyak. Heavy drama yung joke ko e. May tissue ka ba? Baka kasi bumaha dito ng luha dahil sa joke ko. Putek! Joke nga diba!?!?!?tapos iiyak ka p*k*u ka!

[SiRbossR]

Boy: uyy! May joke ako!

Girl: Ano un?

Boy: Joke lang. Wala.

:bwahaha:

[Hanren]

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.



St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"