Joke Time!

[nervenllarena]

langya mamamatay ako sa kakatawa sa sulat ni berto

[Starex_Gold]

Berto :gayfight: :gayfight:

[crave]

One day, a man wakes up with a red ring around his penis. He can’t
figure out what it is, so he goes to the doctor. The doctor hands him a
tube of cream.
"Here. Put this on and the ring’ll be gone within the hour," the doctor said.
The man drove home, put it on, and sure enough, the ring was gone
within the hour.
But then the next day, he woke up and the ring was there again. He goes to the doctor, and the doctor hands him the same cream, which he puts on.
The ring vanishes, only to reappear the next morning. This goes on for a few days before the man finally asks, "Doctor, the cream you’re
giving me takes care of the ring around my penis, but then it comes back in the morning. What’s the stuff you’re giving me?"

The doctor hands him another tube of it before replying, "Lipstick
remover."

[vito corleone]

A woman announces to her local priest that she is getting married for the fourth time.

"I hope you don't mind me asking," says the clergyman: "but what happened to your first husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died," says the woman.

"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?" asks the priest.

"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died," says the woman.

"My God! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband," says the man of the cloth.

"He died of a broken neck," says the woman.

"A broken neck?"

"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms.”

[vito corleone]

eto pa isa. . .


An old woman visits her doctor to ask for his help in reviving her husband's libido.

"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.

"Not a chance," says the old woman: "He won't even take an aspirin."

"Not a problem," replies the doctor: "You've heard of Irish coffee, right?”

"Yes," replies the woman.

"Well," says the doctor: "make him an Irish coffee and slip Viagra into it. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."

A few days later she calls the doctor and the poor dear exclaims: "Oh, faith! It was horrid. Just terrible, doctor!"

"Really? What happened?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups flying, ripped my clothes to tatters and took me then and there, on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"

"Why was it so terrible?" asks the doctor confused: "Do you mean the *** your husband provided wasn't good?"

"Oh, no, no, no, doctor. It was the best *** I've had in 25 years!" says the old woman: "but I'll never be able to show my face in Starbucks again."

[gertrude]

[SIZE=4]President GMA[/SIZE]

by aNgeLoL


GMA and her family inside the presidential helicopter

GMA: What if i throw one check worth one million pesos out of the window to make at least one filipino happy?

Mike A: Honey, why not throw two checks worth half a million pesos each to make two filipinos happy?

Luli A: Mom, why not throw four checks worth quarter of a million each to make four filipinos happy?

Finally her grand daughter speaks;

spoke: Grandma, why not simply THROW YOURSELF out of the window to make all filipinos very happy?

Ganun?!

[gertrude]

Warning R-18! : Boy Bastos Jokes

Bago pa man mabuo si Boy...

Sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit na tayong lumabas!
Sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!
Sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo! SUGOOOOOOOD!...BALIK! ***!***! ***!

Sumunod na oras....

Sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit na uli tayong lumabas!
Sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!
Sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo! SUGOOOOOOOD!...BALIK! TONSIL! TONSIL!

At sa sumunod pa...

Sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit na uli tayong lumabas!
Sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!
Sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo! SUGOOOOOOOD! *splat!*
ay...condom...!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Sa kabutihang palad ay nabuo rin si Boy. at di nagtagal...

Nanay: honey!!! oras na! manganganak na ako!!!
Tatay: talaga honey? o teka lang! wag kang gagalaw!

(Biglang naghubad si Tatay at ipinasok nya ang kanyang batutoy sa batutay ni Nanay!)

Nanay: honey! anong ginagawa mo???
Tatay: basta! akong bahala! ANAK! KUMAPIT KA! KUMAPIT KA!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hindi umepekto ang "delivering the baby" style ni Tatay, so dinala si Nanay sa ospital...

Doc: ayan ho Mrs., nakalabas na ang ulo ng anak nyo!
nabigla si doc nang...

Boy Bastos: hoy! ikaw ba Tatay ko?
Doc: hindi! hindi ako ang Tatay mo! nurse halika dito dali!
nang dumating ang lalaking nurse...
Boy Bastos: hoy! ikaw ba Tatay ko?
Nurse: naku! hindi ako ang Tatay mo! teka tatawagin ko sya!
nang dumating si Tatay...
Boy Bastos: hoy! ikaw ba Tatay ko?
Tatay: oo anak! ako nga!
Boy Bastos: (sinundot-sundot and noo ng Tatay) masarap ba yan ha? masarap?!