Tech Support

[silver_corolla]

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."


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Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

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Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."

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Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support: ?!%#$

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Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you
see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

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Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer: "A white one."

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Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer: "How do you spell that?"

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Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery
store."

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Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."

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Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print
document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

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Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24
hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

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Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

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A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his
computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup
and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech
is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there
is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.
Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with
NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you
the file.
Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he
started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

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Customer Care Officer: "I need a product identification no. right now
and may I help u in finding it out?"
Customer: "Sure"
CCO: "Could u left click on start and find 'MyComputer'?"
Customer: "I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?"

[butchokuy]

as a tech support, you need to have a lot of patience or else tatanda ka agad.

[CaRGirL]

as a tech support, you need to have a lot of patience or else tatanda ka agad.

i agree...

[silverbx986]

MORE.......TECHNICAL SUPPORT

Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah....
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player
and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

===============
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on
my desk... sorry....

===============
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

===============
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on start for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill
Gates, damn it!

===============
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I
try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed
it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

===============
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

===============
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!

===============
Tech support: Your password is the small letter a, as in apple, a capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

===============
Customer: I can't get on the internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

===============
Tech support: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

===============
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

===============
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the
circle around it?

===============
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The
man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer
is working fine."

===============

[falken]

Hehe, funny.

[ts1n1ta]

i sure do hope na loko loko lang yang mga jokes na yan kung totoo yan.. abaa... waaaaaaaaahh

[chris_d]

Haay, some of these really do happen. I work as a tech support and it can be a very difficult task sometimes...

[karlbo]

...... thank you for calling......

[squala]

Customer: I’m having problems using my PC.
Tech: Is your computer running right now?
Customer: No, it’s standing still in front of me.

================================================== ===================

Call at Trend Micro
Customer: My computer has a virus.
Tech: Do you have PCCillin in your computer?
Customer: No, I’ll go check my medicine cabinet.

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Customer: I want to scroll back to the top of the screen but my mouse is malfunctioning.
Tech: Try using the arrow keys.
Customer: It takes really really long to go back to the top.
Tech: How about the ‘Home’ key?
Customer: It’s with my parents. I’ll just wait for them to come back to the house.

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Calls at Microsoft
Customer: I have a licensed copy of Windows XP Home Edition and would like to ask something about the legality of its usage.
Tech: Ok, what’s your question?
Customer: Is it ok to install it in my office computer?

Customer: Hi, I would like to avail of Windows XP from my laptop. Can you recommend the best version for me?
Tech: We have Home Edition and Professional Edition.
Customer: Do you have anything else? I’m not yet an expert in computers and usually not in my house.

Customer: How much is a copy of Windows XP?
Tech: 100 dollars.
Customer: Does it come with a free doll of your penguin mascot?

Tech: Hi, how can I help you?
Customer: I cannot find the ‘script’ function.
Tech: Sorry, I do not get you.
Customer: This has to do with a Word document. I only see the ‘print’ function, but my document is actually written in script.

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Customer: I’m having trouble connecting my PS2 to my PC.
Tech: Playstation 2 you mean?
Customer: Yes.
Tech: I’m afraid that really cannot be done.
Customer: Are you sure? I checked the ports at the Control Panel and there is a ‘PS/2’ port indicated.

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Customer: I’m having trouble running many programs at the same time.
Tech: How much is your memory?
Customer: Sorry, I’m not quite good in remembering things.

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Customer: I’m having trouble using my speakers.
Tech: Aren’t they malfunctioning.
Customer: No, I just bought them yesterday and had them tested.
Tech: Can you go to the hardware section?
Customer: Ok, what will I buy there?

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Customer: My screen is fluctuating when I’m trying to watch a VCD.
Tech: Maybe your monitor needs to be replaced already.
Customer: No, it just worked fine in my friend’s PC yesterday.
Tech: Maybe you need to get a new video card.
Customer: Why? My membership at the video shop expires 6 months from now.

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Customer: I’m having problems installing my modem.
Tech: Do you have a driver?
Customer: No, I’m the one driving myself.

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[nugundam93]

those are too true to be jokes.

i once had a customer who was wailing so hard due to a blue screen error.

and a customer who was complaining, she said she bought a 40GB hard drive and she expected 40GB of free space.