HELP: Married but in a dilemma

[real life]

I'm a longtime member but i forgot my username kaya't new member ulit. I've posted this thread in another forum but all i got was a bashing. I want to know mga suggestions naman from a different point of view naman. My story goes like this....

I had along time friend who recently came back to my life . I had been an ardent suitor of hers during our school days, unfortunately, hindi naging kami. Well siguro hindi pa tapos yung chapter na iyon sa buhay namin dahil after 15 years and now that we’re both married we became close friends. Although she works abroad, we always see to it na magkita kami when she’s in town. We go out on casual dates, and the two of us even went to tagaytay last time. We are now in a similar situation. It seems both of our marriage turned or is turning sour. Although she’s in a more dire strait situation dahil hindi na halos sila nagkikita ng hubby niya and she wants freedom from him na. My situation naman is that medyo na-pressured lang ako to get married and now I’m feeling the consequences of it all.

The thing is, I’m madly falling for her once again. I know its for real. I just don’t care if she’s married and has 2 kids na. Here’s the situation I’m in now.


* The last time we went out, kinuwento niya sa akin true status of her married life, that she wants out of her marriage. She added that if only she could turn back time, she wouldn’t had married her philandering husband. I too confessed to her about the “secret” status of my married life. I, too want out. Although di ko naman sinasabi na siya ang reasons dito. I just think that somehow she doesn’t believe my story. Her actions tell that.

• During the holidays I sent her a card somehow signifying my “intentions” . I said that no matter what, Ill always be there for her. And that I’ve many things to say to her, I just dunno how to say it. She replied thru email that she was very touched with my message and her parting words was “ DO YOU MEAN EVERYTHING”. Is she trully interested din ba?

• Recently during the course of our txt exchange, regarding pa rin dun sa mga touching messages ko, part of her message was “ YOU CONFUSE ME…. IF ONLY… " What does she mean by this?

• I replied by telling her that I have so many things to say sana regarding my true feelings for her. Its just that I’m just too afraid of its consequences. How it might affect our friendship and eventually losing her after it. She stressed that when she comes back she wants us to personally talk all about it.


**just received this from her thru overseas txt ; "hi kumusta, alam mo napanaginipan kita last nite, In my dream, my mom asked me to live with you. She's giving me the assurance that you can love me more dan (name of her hubby), sabi ko nga sa mom ko both of us are married now kaya di na pwede tapos sabi niya ok lang daw yun... weird noh"

women they're so unpredictable. what could this new msg from her symbolize

**
I’m at a lose right now. Ito na kaya ang chance ko para maging kami? Or are we meant just to be “close friends”? Should I say everything how I feel for her or just let it as it is na lang? If only I can read her mind.

[Sarsi]

express what you really feel, but prepare for the consequences of your action. as what the others said in the other thread, it is better to say your intentions rather than keeping it to yourself. WHAT IF is the magic word here, but i'll tell you again, your case is a complicated one. trust your instinct

just my 2 cents

[chuaed]

what happens to "I take you (name) to be my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health for as long as we both shall live." something like that?

alam mo kung ganoon sana noon pa siya na pinakasalan mo... just place yourself in your wife shoes, isipin mo kung ganyan gagawin niya sa iyo...

kung totoo kaibigan mo siya bigayan mo siya ng respeto na whag mo na siya gulohin dahil may familya na siya...

gawin lang ang tama...

eto nalang isipin mo what if nalaman ng husband niya na naglalampungan kayo tapos may BARIL pala siya!!! isipin mo hindi niya gagamitin iyun?

[Picard]

If you go on with that affair without fixing things first with your own marriages, baka karmahin lang po kayo lalo na pareho na po kayong may anak.

Time is not so short for you guys..imagine, after longing for each other for 15 years, tsaka lang pala kayo magkakatagpo ulit. If it will take her another 15 years to have her and your own marriages annuled, I think its worth the wait for a lifetime of guilt-free realationship. Hindi pa kayo nagkasala sa mga asawa niyo o sa kahit sino man. Di po ba?

[low_profile2]

yup i agree with bro picard..ayusin nyo muna yung mga problems nyo then go for it..mas maganda yung walang masasagasaan..at least malinis concience nyo..i wish both of you the best bro..

[claRkEnt]

IMO, the story is one-sided. Well, you have mentioned everything about you and the girl, but you failed to mention about your WIFE and your kids. You are talking about your future. How about theirs? You failed to mention the AFTERLIFE of the other people involved in the story. Please consider that their (your family) involvement in this story is a result of your decision before you got married.

this will be a big mess you are getting into.

[creepy]

IMO, the story is one-sided. Well, you have mentioned everything about you and the girl, but you failed to mention about your WIFE and your kids. You are talking about your future. How about theirs? You failed to mention the AFTERLIFE of the other people involved in the story. Please consider that their (your family) involvement in this story is a result of your decision before you got married.

Well said.

To real_life, I hope you came here looking for honest, candid advice and not to seek rationalizations for what you are tempted to do.

Good luck.

[zero]

may anak ka na ba sa iyong asawa?
are you ready to abandon them for your found long lost friend/love?
they will be ones who will suffer in the end.

i've been in this situation before kasi.
after attending our high school reunion 5 yrs. ago... met my high school sweetheart... bla..bla..bla... and after all the mess i got into,
i chose to be with wife and my children, live a peaceful life.

try also to talk with your elders/priest/pastor.

advice ko lang..
don't get too excited with her, baka after 2 years with her, you'll feel sorry din (pareho din pala sila ni misis mo).

[the_wildthing]

What you need is counselling. The initial euphoria of a new mate wears off. Marriage takes work.

If that doesn't work, get your marriage annulled para malinis, walang bigamy.

If after all the hassle, ok pa rin kayo, kayo naman ang magpakasal, just don't do it all over again.

[empy]

i can sympathize because i've been in sucky relationships. was never married to any of them though.

one word of caution - if both of you go through it, neither of you should be surprised if the other one cheats on you or leaves you for another person.